excuses

A satirical CS2 excuse generator. 0 trophies · ∞ excuses.

Your team just lost the Major final 2:13? Don't analyse the demo. Just press generate and post.

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What is this?

After every elimination, pro CS2 teams post the same thing: “Tough day. Thanks for the support. We'll come back stronger ❤️”. Then they lose again, and the post comes back too.

Excuses is a one-page scrollytelling site that collects these excuses, sorts them by who writes them, counts them with completely made-up statistics, and finally automates the whole thing with a generator that writes a fresh post-match excuse in about a second.

It is a single, self-contained index.html: no framework, no bundler, no backend, no tracking. Open it and it works.

Features

📱 Excuse generator

• 2000 excuses in Russian and 2000 in English, combined with random nicknames, scores, ADR and endings.
• The post types itself letter by letter inside a landscape phone, with a blinking caret.
• Font size is fitted to the full text in advance, so lines never jump while typing.
• Copy puts the clean post on your clipboard, ready for X / Telegram / Discord.
• Keyboard shortcuts: R to generate, C to copy.

📊 Post-elimination stats

Four HUD-style numbers and four interactive charts with satirical data (“We played badly — rare species, 0.4%”). Every bar, ring slice and line is driven by scroll position and fills in as you scroll. Hover or tap any item to read what really happened.

📖 Phrasebook: what they said vs. what they meant

A carousel of 2000 pairs that translate press-release language into human:

“We'll come back stronger” → Bootcamp starts next week. We'll be playing Dota there.

Auto-play with a progress bar, pause on hover, “Random page” button, and pagination made of a fan of bullets.

🌍 Two languages

Full Russian and English versions with a flag switcher. The choice is remembered in localStorage, and the page does not flash the wrong language on reload.

♿ Details that matter

• Responsive from 320 px phones to wide desktops, with a separate mobile layout for the stage.
• Respects prefers-reduced-motion: animations are switched off, charts render in their final state.
• Keyboard navigation and visible focus everywhere, aria-live regions for the generated post.
• A few hidden easter eggs. Try clicking things.

Screenshots

Run locally

No install, no build. Clone and open the file:

git clone https://github.com/Thayorns/excuses.git
cd excuses
open index.html            # macOS
xdg-open index.html        # Linux
start index.html           # Windows

Or serve it if you prefer:

npx serve .
# or
python3 -m http.server 8000

The only external request is Google Fonts (Manrope, Onest, JetBrains Mono). Without network access the page falls back to system fonts.

Project structure

excuses/
├── index.html      # the whole app: markup, styles, scripts and all data
├── assets/         # logo, README screenshots and demo animation
├── LICENSE
└── README.md

Inside index.html:

• Inline SVG for every map, weapon, character and icon, so there are no image requests.
• CSS with custom properties per chapter, @property for animated colours; the stage scales to fit any viewport.
• Vanilla JS: scroll-driven chapter switching, the typing generator, scroll-linked charts, the phrasebook carousel and i18n.

Deploy

The site is hosted on GitHub Pages straight from the main branch root. Any static host works: drop index.html on Netlify, Vercel, Cloudflare Pages or an Nginx box.

Disclaimer

This is satire. Team names, nicknames and quotes are parodies and entirely fictional; no real player has ever written any of this (probably). The statistics are made up, with a margin of error comparable to your crosshair after a lost pistol round.

Not affiliated with or endorsed by Valve. Counter-Strike and CS2 are trademarks of Valve Corporation.

License

MIT © 2026 Valentine Frolov

GG WP. If it made you laugh, leave a ⭐